Анна Шиман
Draft translation. This text was translated automatically and has not been proofread yet — if something reads oddly, it does.
The psychology of relationships. The “parent”, “adult” and “child” ego states.
On the “Practical Psychology” course, which runs at our centre and which everyone interested is welcome to join, you can get to know a range of theories of personality.
This time we will talk about the American psychologist E. Berne and his famous triad of ego states of the personality:
— Parent
— Adult
— Child
At any given moment, a mature personality may show any one of these states.
In the “parent” ego state a person often copies the patterns of behaviour, social norms, stereotypes and attitudes taken over from their own parents and other significant, authoritative figures. This is the conservative part of the personality, aimed at preserving the experience of past generations and passing on traditions, family and ancestral scripts and social stereotypes.
In the “adult” ego state a person shapes their behaviour according to the situation “here and now”, which is what is called a rational approach.
The “adult” position means being aware of the need that matters right now and, at the same time, keeping track of whether it can be met in the given setting.
The “child” ego state carries the feelings and thoughts a person once lived through in childhood. And also present-day emotions, an inner stance and reactions towards oneself and others.
A psychologically mature personality is able to keep a dynamic balance between these three structures.
Otherwise things tip too far one way or the other, and the inner balance is upset.
Most often it is the strict “parent” who holds the stronger position in a person’s personality. It seizes control over the ego and demands strict compliance with duties, traditions and norms through prohibitions and injunctions. In this way it suppresses the spontaneity of the “childlike” part, which is called the “inner child”.
“Don’t shout so loudly!” a strict mother snaps at her little one, who is noisily expressing joy.
“That’s nonsense — there’s no such thing as pink elephants,” another mother replies sensibly to her daughter’s fantasies.
To restrict your “inner child” in adult life is to cut off your creative impulses and suppress your desires.
After all, it is the “inner child” that is responsible for a person’s love of creativity, spontaneity, the ability to think outside the box and perceive reality flexibly.
The “child” state helps us keep our optimism and sense of humour in difficult life situations.
Any restrictions on such an important part of the personality have a certain effect on a person’s emotional health, their mood and their ability to enjoy the present moment.
That is why it is so important to protect and cherish this defenceless part of your personality — your “inner child”.
And here a person’s task is to assess, from the “adult” state, the balance of power between the inner “parent” and the inner “child”.
Is it tipping too far one way or the other?
After all, for the “inner child” to express itself in a healthy way, it needs the certainty and safety that it is precisely the “inner parent” who provides.
Otherwise the dominance of the “inner child” subpersonality will show up as anxiety, passivity, avoidance of difficulties and a craving for total comfort.
Would you like to find out what kind of relationship your “inner parent” and your “inner child” have?
We invite you to consultations with metaphorical associative cards at our centre for systemic personal development, Psyvision.
Metaphorical associative cards are a unique tool that helps you engage with your ego states gently and with care.
They let you understand how strict your “inner parent” is and what exactly your “inner child” is missing.
They carefully bring to the surface what is hidden deep inside and help you find psychological balance.
The consultations are given by Iryna Stadnytska, a student at the centre.
