Анна Шиман
Draft translation. This text was translated automatically and has not been proofread yet — if something reads oddly, it does.
People today strive to grow in every area of life. Sometimes so hard that they lose their inner balance and become hostages to inner processes that are difficult to see clearly. These processes get out of control and lower the quality of life. You will agree that this is not what you wanted!
Our subconscious processes call for attention at the moments when you feel a deep sense of unhappiness, sadness, despair or dejection — often, or for quite a long time. Your subconscious also wants to tell you something when you lose interest in the things you used to enjoy and in the happy moments of life, when a feeling of emptiness or apathy appears. You notice that you begin to treat yourself with negativity and doubt, sensing your self-esteem drop and feeling inadequate or worthless. You may avoid social activity or push the people around you away, and withdraw into yourself.
If this sounds like you, read on.
In this article we will talk about what makes you suffer and what to do about it!
Suffering in the psyche often shows up physically, as insomnia, loss of appetite or digestive problems. It can be a sense of pointlessness and of having lost the meaning of life. Questions about the purpose and value of your own existence keep spinning in your head.
Today we will look at the sufferer complex by understanding its figure. This complex forms at moments when a child goes through traumatic experiences they cannot cope with, because the resources of their psyche are not yet formed. A hostile environment, parents with various addictions, constant criticism, comparison and judgement wound deeply. But a child differs from an adult in that they depend on their parents and perceive them through archetypal images. So a child is unable to see their parents’ behaviour clearly or think about it critically. Whatever a parent does or says, and the way the parent treats the child, the child takes as the only truth. And that truth, sadly, is often very painful.
How does the Inner Sufferer complex form?
To keep its balance, the psyche forms the figure of the Inner Critic, who in the inner reality explains to the child why they are being treated this way and what for. For example: because you are bad, you don’t deserve love, it’s your fault, being the way you are is awful! With these explanations in hand, the child stops being in touch with their real feelings in order to cope with the pain.
In response to the figure of the Inner Critic, the figure of the Inner Sufferer forms, and this is what I will tell you about in this article.
How can you recognise the Inner Sufferer at work?
The figure of the inner sufferer shows itself in a person’s psyche through various emotional and behavioural patterns. It is an inner image that believes the voice of the Inner Critic, doubts itself and is tormented, creating mistrust and self-doubt.
How this figure shows itself:
- Constantly condemning yourself for mistakes and imperfections.
- A constant feeling of not being good enough and doubt about your abilities.
- An inner voice that almost always criticises or judges your actions and the decisions you make.
- Unending dissatisfaction with your achievements and a constant striving to be perfect.
- Denying your achievements and successes, and focusing on your shortcomings and mistakes.
All of this can lead to heightened anxiety, depression and dissatisfaction with yourself.
However, it is important to remember that the figure of the inner sufferer is part of every person’s psychological experience, and there are ways of working with it that will help you reach inner peace and contentment.
The constant self-criticism coming from the figure of the inner sufferer has negative consequences for a person’s mental and emotional well-being and can lead to low self-esteem and a negative attitude towards yourself.
A person may constantly doubt their abilities and consider themselves a failure, and feel constant unease and worry about their self-esteem and survival. They may avoid situations where they might be criticised and try not to feel vulnerable. A person may avoid new opportunities and fear failure because they fear judgement. They find it hard to accept support and love from those around them, and may also be overly sensitive to criticism and judgement.
Accepting yourself, building a caring, supportive attitude towards yourself, practising positive thinking and working with a psychologist can help change these negative consequences and develop a healthier attitude towards yourself.
People who feel this dissatisfaction may find it hard to accept support from others. They may doubt the sincerity and motives of those around them and believe they do not deserve help or support. Such people usually react more strongly to criticism or negative comments from others. They may take every word personally and feel hurt or insulted even when nothing of the kind was intended. Such a person also often tries to avoid closeness and vulnerability in relationships. They may believe that their flaws and mistakes will push other people away, and so they try to hide their weaknesses or avoid deeper emotional bonds.
Constant self-criticism can lead to low self-esteem and self-doubt, which make a person question their attractiveness or worth. People prone to self-criticism may be constantly dissatisfied with themselves and their achievements. This can create tension and unhappiness in their relationships with others. Becoming aware of these consequences and working on self-esteem and self-compassion can help make relationships with others more positive and healthy.
Overcoming the constant self-criticism that comes from the figure of the inner sufferer is a process that takes time and patience. Treat your emotions and thoughts with understanding. Work on it step by step, and remember that you deserve love and kindness — both from yourself and from others.
Raising your self-esteem in this case can be a challenge, but there are methods that can help with the process.
Here are a few of them:
- Developing the ability to accept yourself can help change a negative attitude towards yourself. This includes awareness of your thoughts and emotions, acknowledging your human nature, and kindness to yourself in moments of suffering or self-criticism.
- Becoming aware of your inner dialogue and replacing automatic negative thoughts with more positive and supportive statements can help reduce self-criticism. Try practising positive statements and reframing negative thoughts.
- Constant self-criticism often comes with a lack of an objective view of yourself. Developing self-reflection skills can help you see yourself more objectively and judge your achievements and shortcomings fairly.
- Constant self-criticism is often linked to low self-esteem. Develop a positive attitude towards yourself by acknowledging your achievements and values.
- Talking about your feelings with people you trust, such as friends, family or professional psychologists, can help you overcome constant self-criticism. They can offer you a different perspective and support you as you change your attitude towards yourself.
- Managing stress and taking care of your emotional and physical well-being can also help lower the level of self-criticism. Get regular physical activity, practise relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing, and take care of your needs.
Be patient with yourself, and remember to reflect on and acknowledge your efforts and progress. It is important to take care of your emotional well-being and to work towards a positive and loving attitude towards yourself.
Join our community, our personal growth courses and other events to make your journey interesting and rewarding.
Anna Shyman, psychologist at the Psyvision centre
