Анна Шиман
Draft translation. This text was translated automatically and has not been proofread yet — if something reads oddly, it does.
Personal growth is a very popular phrase these days. Everyone understands it in their own way and gives it their own, individual meaning.
So why is it so “scary”, and what exactly is so frightening about personal growth?
A common answer: they’ll try to “remake” me there and I’ll lose my own values. What if they “put” something into me there that later makes me give up on myself, my values and my beliefs!
What do we see on the surface?
- trust issues
- inadequate personal boundaries
- negative experiences of, or information about, “personal growth”
- difficulty making choices and decisions
- a habit of relying on “public” opinion
Is that really how it is?
If a person feels drawn to development and personal growth, then their time for development has come. They are ready to set out on the “dangerous” and fascinating path of getting to know themselves and changing their life.
But the person is afraid. And that is completely normal.
A person is afraid twice over.
Consciously and unconsciously. The human psyche tends to stay where it is comfortable and change nothing for as long as the old, familiar ways still work somehow and help keep balance, steadiness, stability.
We often find that this balance does not satisfy us and brings disappointment, suffering and resentment.
There is a clear conflict of interests: one part wants to develop and grow as a person, while the other wants to stay in its familiar little “swamp” and frightens us with scary pictures, worried that “something might go wrong”.
So what should a person do once personal growth has caught their interest?
There are a few points:
- realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and that you have the right not to trust;
- allow yourself to be critical of what comes into your life;
- take responsibility for your own safety, find your own boundaries (psychological, physical and so on), and learn to see and protect them;
- understand that someone else’s negative experience (as it may seem to you at first) is someone else’s negative experience, and in your case things may turn out quite differently;
- become aware of your own fears and, when looking for a place to “grow”, pay close attention to these safety points that matter to you;
- choose a trainer or mentor by your own feelings; talk to trainers (or companies) in person;
- trust yourself — there is nothing wrong with you, remember?
- once you have chosen, try to stick with that choice without scattering yourself or jumping to other places; personal growth has a cumulative effect, with its own ups and downs. You might leave during a low point and never see the rise. And somewhere else you would have to start all over again;
- listen to yourself; if you feel uncomfortable on first contact with a company or its trainers, do not give in to the urge “not to offend”, “not to look rude” and so on;
- if you feel discomfort, clear it up straight away or leave
- the most important point: ask questions! As many questions as you can! Do not be afraid of looking foolish or incompetent! Your questions will help you make a more precise choice
“But what about my values and beliefs?” you may ask. “What about the fear that someone will get inside my head and smash everything there to pieces?”
Ask yourself: what if what I call my values can be destroyed and called into question so easily? What if I myself am ready to question them the moment someone insists?
Now answer yourself: is this really your “value” if you are so ready to give it up, and on top of that to let someone else do it, inside your head?
Perhaps these things are not so very valuable to you, if you worry about keeping them whole and intact.
A value is something a person is prepared to stand up for to the very end. And here you have two options: either you realise that the value is truly yours and strengthen it. Or you get rid of yet another false belief that was shaky anyway and was getting in the way of living.
Take care of yourselves, trust yourselves and look for trainers and teachers who are “your own”.
We invite you to develop and grow together with us!
Love to all!
Psyvision personal development centre.
We invite you to the training programme “My Life, My Rules”
