Анна Шиман
Draft translation. This text was translated automatically and has not been proofread yet — if something reads oddly, it does.
In this article I’d like to look at how the Karpman Triangle works. How, in family relationships, roles are confined to the triangle of subpersonalities “Victim – Tyrant – Rescuer”.
- The Rescuer finds it very hard to do nothing. Or to do something for themselves rather than for others. The moment they see someone in a difficult situation, the siren and flashing lights go on – and the Rescuer is ready to help!
But is the Rescuer’s help needed if nobody has asked for it? As a rule, the Rescuer doesn’t stop to think about that. After all, their main task is to be strong at the Other’s expense, and in this way to hide their own weaknesses and lack of competence. To allow themselves a part in someone else’s life while having no life of their own.
Perhaps the person simply wanted to talk it out. Or they like being in the role of the Victim. Suffering and helplessly throwing up their hands. On the surface they may not seem to like it, yet there is what is called a secondary (hidden) gain.
We can learn about hidden gains by turning to the study of psychology.
More about the “Practical Psychology” course:
“Anatomy of the Psyche. Practical Psychology”
- Such people often won’t follow the Rescuer’s advice, because inwardly they are not ready to take off their “crown of suffering”. In fact, people in the role of the Victim have no intention of changing anything. They carefully avoid situations in which their problems could really be solved. They need the Rescuer only as something to lean on and to hand the responsibility for their life over to.
How do you recognise a person in the role of the Victim?
Their favourite answer is: “Yes, but…”.
— Yes, I know this job pays well! But I don’t have the qualifications.
— Yes, this man drinks and makes my life hard, he makes me suffer. But I have nowhere to go and no money.
Very often we come up against the Karpman triangle and the role of the Rescuer within our own family. Our loved ones try hard to “inflict” good on us, guided only by their own values and beliefs about life.
And then they move into the role of the Tyrant. The one who knows what’s right and leans towards authority and pressure. Uncompromising, and slow to meet anyone halfway.
My friend’s mother, beaming with joy, handed her some insurance policies:
— It’s a pension plan! In 30-40 years you’ll have a tidy sum in your account, and you’ll live a carefree old age, — she announced proudly, — because who can live on our state pension?!
My friend is baffled – she is 25, what pension? Especially since she never asked for it and didn’t even hint at it. Her mother took offence: “I only wanted what’s best for you!”
Here you can see how the Rescuer becomes the Tyrant and, once turned down, takes on the role of the Victim. They take offence when the one being rescued doesn’t want their unasked-for help.
According to the principles of the Karpman triangle, the Rescuer always moves into the position of the Victim (nobody appreciated my care), then into the role of the Tyrant — the aggressor or accuser (you don’t think about your future at all!), and back again.
When you notice yourself in any of these roles, try to step out into an aware, adult position. If you keep playing the role, you will soon find yourself in the next one. And so on, until you have tried on all three and started a new round.
Remember your own goals and wishes. To do this, turn your attention to your own life and seek out your own interests.
So what drives the Rescuer’s behaviour?
Often it is the wish to feel more important next to other, “feeble”, helpless people. From the point of view of practical psychology, such behaviour points to low self-esteem and a lack of fulfilment in society. After all, once a person becomes hostage to the triangle’s role patterns, they lose the ability to steer their own life and choices.
The role of the Tyrant can also show itself as intrusion into other people’s boundaries, disguised by the phrase “I’m just trying to help”. It is a hidden tendency to dominate, a wish to tell others how they ought to act. The Tyrant’s main task is to keep control. Deep inside this role lies a fear of one’s own incompetence and helplessness (the Victim).
You can get stuck in the Karpman triangle for a long time and risk falling into dependency. The Karpman triangle, with its roles, is one of the foundations of codependent relationships.
Feeling important and needed in the role of the Rescuer, a person lives a life that is not their own. It is very important to be able to stop and see how false these beliefs are and how flawed such a stance in life is.
To do this, develop awareness and psychological insight.
Iryna Stadnytska,
a student on the courses and programmes of the centre for systemic personal development “Psyvision”.
